Search

How Many Times You Gotta Fucking Say It?

I am single because for me to be in a relationship, we have to have an agreement. Not all things need to be discussed, but the main things do. Communication in terms of your life in general, what my expectations are, and how I would like to be treated. I'm pretty simple in my opinion. I like if you can tell me if you got shit to do today, so you won't be calling me until later. I like small acts of kindness. So if you know my favorite wine and you want to drop it off to me before dinner, I would like that. I'm not a major gift kind of person, because I like to buy myself things. That means something to me that I can buy the things I want for myself. It is not required that you give me money, but if you don't never give me shit ever, I don't know I might think you weird. Regular shit, but I'm always straight forward.

One problem I get when dating is backlash because I don't do public displays of affection if we not locked all the way in. You not about to be kissing me all in my mouth in Walmart in front of everybody, but not text me back for a week, or getting caught in another nigga car this weekend. That's simp shit, and I'm really not with the simp shit. I was recently dating somebody older than me, and we had a disconnect, but we tried to give it another rough lil run through, but that shit went up in flames. I'm 25. Young as hell, but for sure I have been though the works and I have worked. I grew up poor, and not supported emotionally and mentally. In response I used to choose to find love in those spaces when it came to being intimate. Since therapy, I have since gotten over that shit because it didn't do much for me but push me further down the rabbit hole. Anyway, yes I'm 25 but I'm grown as fuck. I know people say that shit all the time, but I really am. I'm talking do my own taxes, 7 apartments later, pay my bills before I shop, eat in the house to save money grown.

I never dated somebody older than me, but every-time we would have an argument about something, age get's thrown around. It's like you can't equate age to maturity. In this relationship, I was definitely the more mature one. I finally just bust out one day like "You not mature enough for me." That was pretty much all I got out of the two hour conversation that we were having. All the responses were basically like "yea I do this adolescent ass shit, but I'm over 30." I don't know if I was tweaking, but that shit just backwards as hell to me. So being the grown ass person that I am, I extended an olive branch. This was not a test or anything, I put a label on it. If we have dinner, I was going to hold on to it and if not I'm going to let it go. Let's just say that I had leftovers the next day for dinner. I really did want to try, but I just really didn't want to continue to allow that treatment, because I know where that goes, I've already lived that life. It's one thing when you don't know about it, but when you are purposely putting yourself in those positions. You are allowing that energy in your life, and right now, with everything I have going on in my life, I just don't have it in me. I am lucky if I get home before 12 A.M., so if offer you my free time, please know that you are somebody that I really want to be around.

Though, I wanted it to work more than anything, I have been fighting the urge to make that first call. Prideful as I am, I can admit when I'm wrong, especially if I fuck with you. What I will not allow is not being heard. I think that if you have to keep telling somebody how to treat you, then you need to stop telling them and move on. Imma end this before I start telling all my business... but damn. Like really, how many fucking fucking times you gotta say it?

2 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

It has been a while since I have written anything. I've been spending the past few months focusing on my finances, my school, and my work. Somewhere in the loop, I forgot to really take care of mysel

12:15 AM and I am wide awake. I spent the day in the bed and asleep. Partially because it is raining and partially because I just didn't feel like moving. I only got up to change my clothes and sheets